There seems to be a lot of labels out there. Labels we aren't supposed to put on students but somehow they end up there anyway.
Students with Special Needs
Students who are ELL
Students from broken homes
Students meeting standard
Students exceeding standard
Students below standard...
There is one in particular that pops up all the time, especially in research and it is always considered a negative, something putting students at a disadvantage....Students from a broken home. Broken home alone bugs me, then putting that label on a student bugs me even more.
Someone said (I can't remember who as I write this), we don't choose our family but we have to live with them. There is no child out there who chose to end up with parents who split up. Those parents weren't planning to split up when they had those children (for the most part). But life happens. Why make this a negative for the child?
In fact, in many cases, the child is in a better position now that mom and dad are not living under the same roof. So don't hold it against them. Help them cope with traversing the world of two homes.
While some parents get along beautifully after a divorce, many do not. In fact, I have heard that it can take upwards of three years post divorce finalization for the relationship to begin to repair and the previous spouses can begin to be civil towards each other. Sometimes, it never happens. But it isn't the child's fault. The child has been challenged with mastering the art of living in two places, with two different people, with two sets of rules. However, they have one set of books, one back pack, one binder, one set of sports gear. Often it is the child left to do the juggling.
Are you wondering, "What does this have to do with me, the teacher?" More than you think. Your classroom may be the safe haven for the child. A place where the fighting stops. A place of warmth and support rather than a constant focus on their shortcomings. Your smile and recognition of effort will go a long way with a child struggling in a "broken home" (need a new term for that).
There are little things as teachers that you can do that can make it easier for all involved:
1) Be willing to hold a conference for each parent (some really can't be in the same room together).
2) Provide two lunch menus.
3) Provide two copies of school picture order forms.
4) Don't assume that what you tell one parent will ever get to the other parent. If they both need to know, tell them both.
5) Don't judge the child. They are stuck in the situation and trying their best.
Their home is NOT broken. It has changed. Many times for the better.
Thank you for your insight into this area. It is too easy for me to assume that everyone grew up like I did, and I need to be consciously aware that everyone has their own story to tell. Like you said, we do not get to choose our family, but we do the best we can to make it in the world.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your comments about providing copies, conferences, and communication to each parent, and not putting this responsibility on the student.
Something I have thought about in relation to this topic, is how is the best way to empathize with a student who is dealing with their parents getting divorced, if I don't come from a family of divorce. It is hard for me to imagine even what that feels like. Any pointers? I appreciate your suggestions for providing enough info for both parents. I always wonder how to be supportive for students when I don't know exactly how it feels to go through what they are going through.
ReplyDeleteGreat question. Thanks for asking. I don't come from divorced parents either; mine just celebrated their 50th anniversary.
DeleteYou don't have to have experienced it. All you need to do for your students is provide them a safe and happy place the be for 6 hours of their day. It helps if you happen to have a good relationship with one of the parents who can give you a heads up on a bad day (I did this often). In order to achieve that, let your parents know at the beginning of the school year that it will help you to help their child if you know what is happening in their lives.
Life impacts the kids. If the dog dies, if grandma is in the hospital, everything big and small.....
Divorce is a loss. The kids are confused and often think they did something wrong, which they didn't. Sometimes they just need a little extra TLC. And TLC goes a looonnnnggg way, regardless of the age.
Happy to talk more if you like.